13 October 2011

Inspired (Delirium) By Sickness

I've been hopped up on meds since Monday night - still doing my straight job, still pulling a full day with mandatory overtime. I have those moments of woozy and woe and, like yesterday afternoon, I am in absolute danger of falling asleep at my desk and knocking myself unconscious as my head slams into my keyboard. Things can get rather exciting here in no time at all.

What I really want is bed - or at least a few days where the most complicated thought is "Do I get up to eat now or wait until I feel more hungry?" I don't think that's going to happen any time soon, so I will continue to take the meds, rest as much as I can.

Along with my writerly pursuits, I am one of the founding members of a brand new theatre company (more on this in future posts - it's juicy stuff) - and we're looking to file Non-Profit status, so I'm up to my eyeballs in government literature as to how to do that without losing my mind. I don't know if it's worked yet, but I remain hopeful. Thank goodness we know a so many people who've already gone through this - and are willing to help!

Lastly, I'm furiously banging away at my outline for NaNo - because I'm determined to start this year's novel with an outline. I've done this enough times without one - and they have all ended in an unhappy mess. I always thought I was a good pantser, until I was hell-bent on finishing something. That meant I needed a clear idea of where my story was going to end and if I didn't have a rough map as to where that was going to be - my story would never end.

I don't know if it's a personal philosophy (or just delusions from my being sick) but I was moved at a very young age with a dialogue from The Last Unicorn:

Molly Grue: But what if there isn't a happy ending?
Schmendrick: There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.

Nothing ends. I have always seen it that way and though I love a lot of different books and stories and movies and whatever - I never quite understood how they/anyone could just "end" things. It doesn't. People move on, things change, new stories develop - maybe with different characters, but nothing ever ends.

Maybe I got the flu. Doesn't feel like the flu, but I sure do feel crazy.

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