I'm Still Runnin'

...By the skin of my teeth. I am just making NaNo at an average of 2000 words a day. It's my little cushion so that one day I can go over and then give myself an excuse to be lazy, but I'm hoping I will be better than this and not be lazy - but go on to finish this...piece of crap that I can't believe I'm writing.

Anyway, my story has now expanded a bit - yay! - with more random ideas to fill out as to why things are happening as they are. There have been some twists and turns that have appeared, which is doing wonders for my word count. Of course, I'll look at this in December (or, more likely, next NaNo) and wonder what possessed me to write this.

Oh, that's right. NaNo. I'm still running. It's only Day 3 - but I'm still running.

I found Jody Hedlund's blog entry "A Writer's Number One Enemy" and it helped. Like I've said before, I'm a practising optimist. I still have my default "negative" moments. More than necessary, in fact. I am pushing through - and I'm happy with myself, as happy as I can be with myself. I am cheering myself on more than bashing myself - honest!

In other news - hubby made this great savoury juice where I threw in hot sauce. It gave it a nice bite and if we could have had alcohol, I would have been in Bloody Mary heaven.

Also, I have been eating lotsa carrots. I think my grandparents would be proud.

Word count: 6101

My Psychological Torture of Finishing a WiP

Or, why I have three unfinished novels and a multitude of short stories languishing in obscure-writing-hell instead out there in the Big Wide World of Slush Pile Purgatory. Well, I have two unfinished novels, truth be told. My finished (3rd? 4th? 18th?!?!?!) draft of my YA urban fantasy is finished but I currently hate it and think it's a pile of weak, runny poo. Of course, I then read this and I laugh - but no amount of imaginary press and bling will make me think better of my WiP at the moment.

Oh crap, I forgot I started a sequel to the urban fantasy. I'm back to having three unfinished novels. Let's not talk about that sequel because it's pants and needs more outlining and figuring out.

Then I read this and I feel a little better about myself. Shocking, I know - because I finished one, at least. I can't wait until I can get it critiqued by fresh eyes and see if it can stand up to a reader and not flop about like some struggling fish out of water. That's how I'm feeling right at this moment. A little fish having just been ousted from the big pond by far more amazing fish. Guppy-Schwilk in a pond full of beautiful and deadly koi. Deadly, I tell you.

The way my brain currently works, I'm surprised I've finished anything! I read this and I think it's dawning on me that (1) I am one of those irritating perfectionists (2) that is too hard on myself, (3) I also need firm deadlines because (4) I'm a lazy cow.

Numbers 3 and 4 bother me the most because I remember when I was at Uni, I was writing fiction all the time without any deadlines and lazy? I hate that word. I hate being associated with that word but I am. I come home from my straight job (which involves a lot of mindless typing/data entry) and though this would be typing for pleasure - my brain somehow convinces me it's still typing, therefore, something I can "do later".

(5) I am also easily distracted - I need to be in a room, alone to write. Didn't think writing in the same room as my spouse of ten years (who adores me and wants to see me published moreso than I do, I think) drives me batty. Even if I'm not interrupted, I still feel like I need to split my attention - so no people, no pets. Alone. I haven't tried the coffeehouse trick yet because I feel too self-conscious (y'know, pretentious "writer" in public vibe) and the last time I did that I was doing NaNoWriMo (2003) and that felt more social (but I'm doing NaNo this year, so who knows?)

What are your tricks about finishing your WiP? How do you make it past your personal hurdles? Where do you write? I'm curious. I'm desperate and, damn it all, I'm writing!

UPDATED: More fun, related links
Is there a Magic Pill...?
Interview with Samantha Bennett, How to Write Consistently & Finish Your Work

There is hope! I press on, stumbling, freaking out every so often.

I Got Nothing But Bad Habits

Going on holiday does help unscramble the brains – as long as the holiday has moments of rest and reflection in between all the headless-chicken activities. This time, we had more rest which turned out to be a good thing. It gave me more time to realise that I give all my free-time away and I've run out of excuses not to write. That last one is more or less a revelation, because I always knew I gave my free-time to everyone else. It isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself, but it does mean that I put myself last in my laundry list of Things I Need To Do.

There is definitely a need here – mostly a want, but as the year's gone by (two years?) the fact that I have no bulk of writing material at the ready for submission turns this into a desperate need. I have bits and pieces – a few one act plays, half a story or two (and a novel that makes my heart palpitate due to heady research needs and recent missed opportunities) – but I've gone a whole year (at least) without really working this passion I keep telling myself I have.

I am easily distracted and convince myself not to write. “I'm too tired,” I tell myself once I get out of my straight job. “I already get up at butt o'clock normally! I can't get up any earlier!” I say as all the popular writing blogs/people tell us to get up 30 minutes, 40 minutes, an hour before your day starts. Write then! “I'll write later, I need some 'me time',” my most notorious tagline as I spend way too much time in the soul-sucking universe that is Facebook.

Starting this week, I'm going to break my bad (writing) habits – at least one or two to start. Yesterday I couldn't convince myself out of bed, but here I am – Tuesday morning and writing! I had even managed to get up this early on Sunday and write a bit. There is always hope.

Who knows where all this bad habit breaking could lead? What are/were your bad habits and how are you/did you break them?

Just Keep Writing! [link sausage]

Not exactly the entry I planned to write, but perhaps that's the point?

I'm still trying to figure out a writing schedule and battle my procrastination (I swear, anything with an internet connection is highly dangerous. Just look at TV Tropes).

I think Kathryn Apel's post on "panic writing" as well as this old post by Donna Cummings - talking about Chris Baty and his "No Plot? No Problem!" approach to writing - say it better, but here I am, having the debate with myself and trying to figure out how I write; how to get the best out of myself with the minimum amount of pain.

Currently playing with the Snowflake Method, but not totally sold on it, outright. I realised that for about 3 of my WIPs, applying this method to tighten/revise/make better, I wanted to rewrite everything from scratch and radically change my story-lines. In one respect, I take that as a good sign - I'm not thinking my novel as "my (untouchable, perfect) baby" and am open to suggestions/changes and so on. In another way, my self-esteem is peering into the toilet because I'm really considering to scrap about 10 years' worth of work. Although it's not like I'm on a deadline or these stories were getting any other exposure anyway. Maybe I need the over-haul.

I'm trying not to count words; I'm trying not to get sidetracked with research (historical-esque fiction, go me!); I'm also trying not to bin all of my writing, which is getting harder to do as I attempt to make a serious go of being a writer.

Does writing on a schedule (what schedule?) help push you through your "non-creative moments"? Do you dare say "Writer's Block"? I used to switch gears - work on ATCs or music, theatre...something artistic, just not writing.

I get the sincere feeling I've been sabotaging myself for years.